71 - you do not want to mess with me today

first, a joke.

what do you call something that is brown and sticky?

you'll find the answer at the end of this entry.

yesterday i had PMS.

oh sorry, wait, let me start that again.

dear boys reading this - watch out or i'll cut you. gimme chocolate.

okay, where was i? right. yesterday.

i had the pre-menstrual syndrome. i didn't know it at the time.
this is the weird thing about it, am i right ladies?
you never quite know why you are being a raging bitch and the entire world is out to get you.
even though it happens every three and a half weeks or so
it's always a mystery to me.

hey, why are all my muscles sore, that's weird, i didn't climb any mountains lately.

and what's with everybody in the world purposely doing things to hurt my feelings and being so mean and annoying all at once?

i cried while watching harry and the hendersons.

my cat became the cutest being on the planet until she scratched me, and then i was sure she hated me and it was just the most awful thing EVER.

my back hurt.

i wanted dr. claw to hug me but also to get the fuck away RIGHT NOW but don't be mad at me but SHUT THE FUCK UP but feel sorry for me but DON'T TOUCH ME but i love you but YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY LOVE ME I'M GROSS AND UGLY AND STUPID

right ladies? eh? eh?

dr. claw just asked me if i was feeling scientific today, because i have my periodic table hahaha, good one now SHUT THE FUCK UP.

just kidding i love you
do i look fat in these pajamas? haha just kidding do not answer that, i won't believe what you say anyway.

oh, what i wouldn't do to not become psychotic for three days or so a month. it would be grand.

but for now i'm just going to curl up in a ball and weep

wait.

no, i have to go to work in twenty minutes.

son of a ...





ANSWER TO THE JOKE:

A STICK!