this blog is my way of making sweaty lemonade

perhaps this could count as a TMI and i could finally join all you cool TMI kids? yeah?

yeah, i think so.



all about sweating

it's so hot here! yesterday was the hottest!
ever!



how hot was it? you all chorus comically

our little city is usually the city with the most moderate temperature in canada, and yesterday it was the HOTTEST city in canada. or so i heard.

it was hot enough that when i phoned dr. claw after i witnessed a car accident yesterday, i was too busy talking about how holding the phone to my ear was causing sweat to trickle out of my elbow crease to tell him about the wreckage!

it was so hot that i was sweating between my fingers. like...even those stupid little pores were expelling salty fluid!

i had spf 60 sunscreen on and got picked up halfway home from the university by dr. claw and still got a tan!

factoring in humidity, it was 40 degrees (celcius)... which is 104 fahrenheit, and
i took the bus.

the un-airconditioned bus.

with those terrible heat-holding, sweat-inducing seats. i was stuck in the (very sunny) window seat in the back...

(bet you know where this is going)

i realized, like 4 minutes into the 30-some minute bus ride that i was sweating profusely...even moreso than when i had been walking, thanks to little ventilation and crazy sunshine through the window...and my clothing felt damp.

oh. no. please don't let me sweat through my clothes, i thought, even though it was already happening.

of course. because that's what life gives me. lemons. sweaty lemons.(and this blog is my way of making sweaty lemonade, so to speak)

my bus passes by a very popular man-made lake on the way to my house, and was therefore mainly filled with nubile 18 year old bikini models who happened to be fresh as a daisy in their jeans cut-offs and strategically ripped cotton t-shirts and perfectly dry hairstyles.

my glasses would not stop sliding down my nose.

i realized that if i leaned forward a bit, my back felt quite cool, as the miniscule breeze combined with my completely soaking wet t-shirt. so for the rest of the trip i sat uncomfortably hunched, arms down to prevent anyone from seeing my dinner-plate sized circles of underarm sweat to enjoy the breeze on my back.

it was bearable, as long as i didn't move or open my eyes or think too much.


then i realized my stop was coming up.

i panicked, because i also realized that along with my t-shirt, my grey cotton polyester blend walking shorts were wet.

my entire ass was soaked. sweat was dripping down behind my knees.

since i was in the back of the (crowded) bus, i would have to walk in close proximity to many many people to get out.

i know i would notice if somebody's ass was wet from sweat. i had even caught myself being disgusted by a girl with a little wet patch on the back of her shirt - this was 8 million times worse!!

the bell dinged. my stop was next. i reached back and peeled my wet t-shirt off my back, willing it to dry in the next 20 seconds before i had to stand up.

luckily i had my ginormous shoulder bag with me.

i waited until the last possible moment to stand up, and then i basically flung my bag behind me, so it covered as much of my ass and back as possible as i strode purposefully toward the door, avoiding eye contact with everybody.

but i couldn't help one last glance at the seat i had been sitting in.

and there, in all its glory - an (already drying) outline of my entire torso in sweat on the seat
with extra ... detail in the area where sweat was pooling around the butt-area

just lovely.

and with that, i leapt off and, thanks to the horrendous murderous sun, had dry clothing again in less than a minute.

ahhh, summer. how i hate you.