1. watching the end of a depressing movie about the aftermath of Pinochet's crazy politicide plan, where he just got the military to kill everybody, pretty much...
2. Close literary reading of a text from the 1700s in Spanish. AGAIN.
3. Narrowly avoiding eye contact with a group of people who work on the school newspaper.
4. Sitting through a high school English class, pretty much.
This was actually pretty outrageous.
We have a small-ish paper due for this class on Monday, and we had a 'writing workshop' class scheduled for yesterday. Yeah...she was all "you start with an introduction, then you develop your thesis blablablaforafuckinghour!"
really?
wow, HOW THE HELL did anybody make it to a third year class without knowing how to write a paper? I'm pretty sure everybody was on the same page as me, especially when we all had to read our titles out to the class....
yeah. we all took a turn like good little boys and girls reading out our titles.
Every boy in the class was writing about Don Juan, which was awesome.
I made my title up on the spot, while everybody else was talking, and everybody was all "wow, that's a good one" ... thank you blog for making writing easy!
Check out how I wrote it...clearly I had no idea what I was talking about.
Yes...very well planned out...riiiight
_____
Anyway when I got on the bus I had just gotten out of that mother effing four hour film class (THE LAST ONE!) and we had just watched El Crimen de Padre Amarro, which, even though it has Gael Garcia Bernal in it, was still depressing. If you can imagine. Anyway I still had like an hour left in my journey home when a group of overly cheerful nanas got on the bus. So did their perfume.
I sat there trying to think how I would describe it, were I to write about my bus ride once again on my blog.
Sickly sweet is the cliche thing to say about perfume, right?
So I asked myself "is this 'sickly sweet' to me?"
and it wasn't.
Then I tried to come up with some kind of metaphor or simile that worked for me.
I never quite got there. I had something like
"it feels like the back of my nose is being scorched with acid that smells like fake flowers"
but that's not quite what i was smelling either. The flowers part. The rest was spot on.
I gave up because I was distracted by this conversatio...er...monologue that was going on behind me:
(picture Alicia Silverstone's voice in Clueless)
"Oh. My. God. I. Loooooove your playboy bunny purse! Excuse me? Hello? Excuse me? Excuse me? I love your...excuse me? Hello? I love your purse! I LOVE YOUR PURSE"
(I didn't turn around once to see what was going on but I assume the girl was listening to music and didn't even realize the other one was talking to her.)
"Excuse me? Excuse me? Hello?"
(Finally I guess the girl acknowledged her)
"Hi. I LOVE your playgirl...I mean playboy bunny purse. Ooops hee hee. It is SOOOOOO CUUUUUUUUTE. It's so small. One time I had a purse, but it was like a skull. Like, it was like, black? With a white skull on it? And it was so small, but like yours is cuter because mine had a skull on it, you know? But like, mine was so small but it still fit a water bottle in it? And people used to give me complements on it all the time."
I was in such a confrontational mood, what with the perfume nose assailants and everything that I think if I had been sitting closer I would have turned around and said something.
They just made every woman on that bus into a stereotype. I don't know how, but I feel like when I hear shit like that, I feel like girls are ruining my credibility as a functioning human being.
But I did nothing.
No, that's not true. I turned my music waaaaay up and listened intently to something loud and yelly. And then I felt better.
This blog is so great. Instead of fuming inwardly, and doing nothing about it I added it to my blog equivalent of a spank-bank. Filed under 'the bus' and 'things i don't like'.
and 'hate-orade' for good measure.
Take that, jerks!
12 comments:
I kinda wish the categories were at the top, because every time I see "hate-orade" I get all excited.
haha yay! I wonder if I can make that happen. I'll work on it.
You should seriously consider writing that book. I'd be happy to donate an amusing anecdote for the introduction. Perhaps the one about the day I ran for and caught the bus (which was unusually jammed with suits) and then started to panic when it veered off onto Bow trail instead of its usual route straight up Crowchild. I looked around and no one else seemed alarmed. I asked the guy next to me, "Is this the 20 Northmount?" and no, of course it wasnt. SO my ride to UofC took an hour instead of the usual 15 minutes and I had to live with the fact that I actually RAN for the wrong bus. And I DONT RUN.....EVER.
SO yeah, if you ever need a book intro, I'm sure I could beef that little gem up to about 1000 words. Have your publisher call me.
I forgot to stress how important it is that you write a book about riding the bus. DO IT.
Good ol' public transport, drivers don't know what they're missing!
You know, I got anxious for a second because I read "Pinochet" as "Pinnochio" and I thought "wow, who knew Disney had a dark side?" It's ok though, I reread it and now my heart rate's normal again.
But yes, stories from the bus = FAB idea! :)
I rudely cover my face in disgust when confronted by overly perfumed women or overly cologned men. Jeremiah rolls his eyes and I cover my nose and mouth and gag. We're probably super duper duper rude, but oh well...
It would have been cool if the Alicia Silverstone person behind you started to do the Intro to "Baby Got Back" and then Sir Mixalot bursts through the side of the bus like the Kool-Aid Man . Sir Mixalot doesn't attempt enough rescues.
you effin rock
@jbot deal. I'll try to get myself together enough to write something
@soda yeah, hey? every day is an adventure. it could be all idyllic and peaceful or it could be the ride from hell. YOU NEVER KNOW
@va you were surprised disney had a dark side? haven't you ever seen the little mermaid priest boner? what about all the racism? haha
@erin i would have, but they were so cute and happy. i didn't want to ruin their good with my angry, you know?
@kurt well...that would have been kind of scary actually. for so many reasons.
@v8g thanks dude
Oh. My. God. This post was so, like, totally easy to relate to? And, like, I get it? Because when girls make an effort to be, like, way vapid they kind of, like, do all women a disservice? And, like, even the Playboy empire itself is pretty fucking offensive to women? Like, how this old man gets away with what is, essentially, polygamy, and how a woman's body is prized about her, well, everything else?
Oh, what do I know. I'm just a girl... and a blond girl, at that.
@missR i know, right? omigod!
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